My family was not very big, but not too small. We were three brother & sisters. Almost same age group. I can not remember but as mother told many time when we were kids mostly one of my sister complain about the amount of curd distribution. And again as told by mother the simple solution was to suffel the bowls. Once bowls were shuffeled she become happy. Now if we just forget the part of shuffling does that mean my parents were discriminating my sisters, specially one of them, because of her gender ?
Now a days we see this trend a lot, many of social media posts are dedicated to daughters. Many of close friends post them and as these posts claim their daughters are most beautiful creation given to them by god. I am just thinking what their boys are ? Are they unwanted ? My personal feeling is no they are not unwanted. It is just they don’t know what they are sharing or what they are doing. They are following someone or something without applying their mind.
Before i come to my point, I would like to share a small story. The story is taken from social media, I am not claiming anything about the truthfulness of story, but its content is so true that I can not stop myself sharing.
My house owner has two dogs. One is a bigger breed compared to the other. The bigger dog is named Ruby. The smaller dog is named Pinku.
Owner’s daughter loves both of them equally but mostly roams around with the smaller dog Pinku. This is because a small dog is easy to carry, nothing else. But the bigger dog Ruby takes this behavior as discrimination and often barks and show irate behavior to protest this.
One day Ruby has ferociously attacked Pinku to kill him. Ruby thought Pinku was the reason she was being discriminated against and hence wanted to kill him. It was very difficult for the whole family to separate them and to save Pinku. Ruby probably didn’t understand that carrying Pinku on lap was much easier compared to carrying a bigger dog like her.
Humans are also this. If you have multiple children you can’t afford to take more care of one and ignore the other. The results will be disastrous. Since humans can think better and in multiple dimensions, the dangers can be many folds. One of the modern danger is to turn these children into transgenders.
Multiple psychological studies done by different scientists in different times and under different situations proved that if you have a son and a daughter and show more affection for the son, then your daughter will feel neglected and would like to behave like a boy to get your attention. Similarly, if you show more affection towards your daughter and the son feels neglected he would like to become a female to get your attention.
That is how most transgenders identify themselves as one in their childhood. But when they are transformed into the other gender (by gender reaffirmation surgery and medication) they regret even more and often commit suicide because only then they realize that they didn’t really want to become the other gender.
So be careful how you are raising your children.
Anyway my interest is only in the starting of the story, the last part where research talk about transgender I have no interest. What I want to say is if parents mostly don’t differentiate between male & female. It is kids who feel the difference. We live in a society where everyone has a role for himself. This is true from the starting of human life. Even animals society also have similar behavior. They trend their society member for the best of society. Sometime it may goes against an individual member, but as a whole it is for the betterment of society. The same apply for human too. Human society is bigger and stronger, because they can think and they are creative more then any other society.
From the beginning every member of society get role which suit them best. For example strong people get a role of providing security, even at the cost of their life and intelligent people played the role of educating society. In this role playing everyone get a role best suited for them, even women too (I am not talking about the role of home maker, many women played more important role). Parents are protective for their kids, which force them to trend their kids for a role they familiar with. For example a soldier is familiar with fighting and he/she teach their kids fighting skill. This happen with almost every member of society. Sometime somewhere someone dare to break the trend and he/she choose to be different from what they could get easily. But they are exceptions, rest all women or men stay within their limits and played normal role. In easy words i would say most women played as home maker and most men played the role of buying vegetables. Don’t laugh this is truth about our society. Few exceptional become kalam or kalpana, rest all are just playing the role of buying the vegetables or preparing the vegetables.
Now here comes the most difficult part. As a parent I feel duty bound to teach my kids about their role. I can’t say what they will be after 20 year, but what I can predict is what they can be. The first input came from the society. Once society was different and divided that time a soldier know what he can teach to his kids, a pundit also know what are the possibilities for their kids. But today we are not that much divided. Today I am in job and doing something related to mobiles, but I can not be sure what my kids can be or what they will do. So what i will do ? I will make best arrangements as per my view.
Let us go back to 60-80 year back. That was the time society was not that much zig-zag. Although the roles were not clear but it was clear that most women play the role of vegetable preparing & men play the role of vegetable buying. Now those parents were teaching them best for their role. But after 60-80 year society has changed and we judge them as per our society, and we start calling them discriminating their kids, specially female kids. That is where we start playing the non-sense. Now we believe that out parents and grand-parents were discriminating women, and need to compensate female kids and we start saying ‘My daughter is the best creation of god’. We just forget that out boys are watching. A false sense of compensating our female kids make separation between male & female.
My mother normally claim that during their time brother & sister were more closer then today’s brother & sister. But she is not ready to accept the fault from their parents. She agree that is more importance given to male kids its discrimination against female kids, but she deny the opposite.
Whenever I ask myself, if my kids are not same for me because of their different gender ? Does not matter how many times I ask answer is always no. I believe when anyone ask himself the same question, the honest answer will be same as I get. They how we can believe that our parents or grand-parents were not in love with their kids ? Answer is always same, they can not be. But unfortunately we are blind enough to believe a theory given by someone. The reason I believe is society see drastic change during last 60+ years. It is not first time, society always change. Normally society change in centuries (few generation), and the slow change allow society to accommodate easily. But this time changes were too fast, rather I would say the changes were applied too fast. The changes were not natural but communication rise a lot during last 50 year. Inspired from other (outer societies) society (without looking into own requirements) govt & media applied norms of those alien societies into our society by law as well as by media. Therefore within one generation the society changed completely. The change which should be slow and steady has been done in very short time and result we see two generation behaving like two different poles of magnet. Probably that’s why our generation believe their past generation was discriminating kids. But actually they are doing this but in reverse. They just want to prove that we love female kids, and they are creating a society where female kids gets all the attention and male kids ignored completly, and still this generation claim them self to be more intelligent.
What a blind society we are living in.